20140506 Gahmen proposes to set up Mahbok Holdings to increase returns of CPF funds

The greedy government of an Asian country recently found out an ex minister has been making a his killing in the Singapore stock market. A committee was urgently convened and the government has decided to set up another investment arm to generate higher returns for CPF members. The ex minister agreed to an interview with the nation’s leading newspaper, the Ass Tee, on condition of anonymity (he wishes to be known as Rambo Tan). Ass Tee also selected its most popular ‘twister’ journalist, Ms Anaconda Wong, for the interview.

Ass Tee: Good morning. I am Ana from the Ass Tee. We hope you could share some of your trading strategies with our readers. First, please tell us how you became interested in stock trading.
Rambo: I have always been interested in Finance but was ‘arrowed’ to the most unpopular ministry of public housing. It was a thankless task because whether we underbuilt or overbuilt, people will always KPKB. My interest in the stock market was rekindled after seeing many of my stock market punter constituents becoming multi millionaires.

Ass Tee: In your busy schedule, how did you find time to research information and prepare yourself?
Rambo: During 2006 to 2010 when we built only 30,000 flats, I was swatting flies in the office. Figured I’d better put my time to more productive use – installed a few screens in the office and watched the market.

Ass Tee: What about serving your constituents in Tampenis? You are still getting the monthly MP allowance of $16,000?
Rambo: It’s an open secret all the work is handled by the grassroots – from queuing to meet me to filling up the paperwork. The stat board does the rest and advises me when my signature is required. (yawn) Too many hopeless cases.

Ass Tee: Due to frequent complaints from CPF members about their low returns, we understand the government will be setting up another investment arm. It will be named Mahbok Holdings and you will also be appointed the CEO.
Rambo: The PM had failed to spot local talents like me, always talking only about foreign ones. If I had been running the country’s finances, our returns would have been 50% annually. CPF members would have been paid a generous bonus and not KPKB.

Ass Tee: One final question. Could you tell us how the 50% of projected returns is derived?
Rambo: If you look at the $28 million market value of my shares at 7.5 cents a piece, you would have known I must have entered the market at a very low price. After personal expenses, the income I received from the government was really peanuts and so I had little capital for investments. My returns during the last 2 years was at least 50% annually.

Ass Tee: On behalf of Singaporeans and Ass Tee, thank you.

After the announcement of setting up Mahbok Holdings, CPF members have been forming overnight queues outside the CPF building to top up cash. Thanks to an ex minister, citizens are beginning to have faith in our system.

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