Straitjacket Times: Ass MRT press to release
As February draws to a close, it should be evident to our fare-paying commuters that we will not be able to achieve another record for breakdowns this month. We sincerely apologise for this.
We thank commuters for giving us credit for our successful attempt on Monday, 26th February. Yahoo News We had targeted a 100 minute breakdown but only managed to achieve 90 minutes, similar to the incident on 20 Jan, also on a Monday. link Figures have not been finalised but the number of passengers inconvenienced is unlikely to surpass the 2014 record 19,000 we achieved last month.
As a company with compassion, we will not be taking any legal action against passengers who insisted we were lying when we said there was no disruption. link All our trains were actually moving at snail’s speed as shown on our CCTV. Passengers were either too fatigue or distraught to have detected such slow movements and thought our trains had stalled.
In another desperate attempt last night (25 Feb), link the incident was “rectified after half an hour”. Take note we are again not lying if the actual delay is later confirmed to be an hour and a half.
Passengers should understand that not all breakdowns are our fault. It could be:
It could even be passengers’ (yes, you) FAULT for not staggering your travel time to take advantage of the free travel before morning peak hours. (If passengers reckon the free travel incentive is peanuts, we would like to propose to the authorities to pay passengers for the trouble.)
Please don’t give us credit where credit is not due. Ass MRT would like to share some credit with the regulator of PTOs, passengers and planning agencies which insist on a population of 6.9 million.
Staff morale has been high in recent years. Should we continue to ‘kena hantam’ with too much credit by the public for all minor incidents such as those mentioned above, bear in mind our staff may just go berserk and trains may also go haywire.
Lastly, we would like to thank you for providing another fare-hike morale booster.
We will be trying for another record next month.