20131117 National Stadium renamed after Tin Pei Ling

Press (to) release – Statement from the PMO (Post Master Office) on renaming National Stadium.

The government is glad that Singaporeans from all walks of life are looking forward to the reopening of our national stadium in 5 months time. There has been much speculation on the new name with online ‘discussions’ getting more heated by the day and numerous ridiculous proposals. We will touch on this later.

Firstly, please be informed that the construction cost of only $1,330,000,000 is just an estimate. Just last year, our transparent government revealed to the public the Downtown Line will cost only $8.7 billion more than the original estimate of $12 billion. (ONLY 70 per cent) In 2010, the projected cost for hosting the Youth Olympic Games (YOG) was $387 million as compared to an initial estimate of $122 million. (317 per cent) http://utwt.blogspot.sg/2010/08/387m-budget-understates-cost-of-yog-to.html

The only point to note is our estimates in percentage term has improved drastically from 317 to 70. In line with past estimates, cost overruns have become the norm. If the final cost overrun of the National Stadium is less than 70 per cent, it would mean we have made additional improvements which justify our humongous salaries. Netizens should not forget to give credit where credit is due to our civil servants and politicians. (In an environment where unexpected accidents have occurred, such as cranes falling from the sky, despite stringent inspections mandated by the MUM, costs are extremely difficult to estimate.)

Secondly, please note that we have learnt our lesson from spending $400,000 of taxpayers’ money to rename Marina Bay, Marina Bay. (no typo) The naming exercise was the brainchild of a former MND minister. He said: “The name itself is not new, but what has been used informally so far has endeared itself to all parties.” His other contributions i.e. ERP and COE seems to have endeared him to Singaporean drivers regardless of age.

The government had put in place yet another committee to prevent the abuse of state resources i.e. Don’t-Anyhow-Use-Taxpayer’-Money-Committee. The budget for frivolous expenditure was reduced to ZERO overnight.

But please do not despair as our government has always found a solution for Singapore. With zero cost, we conducted a straw poll of grassroots members using the most popular press in our country – The Strait Jacket Times. (SJT, not SHIT) Regardless of the 249th global ranking of our press, the majority of Singaporeans somehow still trust our propaganda. We cannot be wrong.

SJT had decided on the following criteria for our national icon:

1 Name must reflect our youthful nation
2 Must be household name with at least 40,571likes on Facebook. link
3 Associated with humour to provide release for stressed-out citizens

5000 grassroots members were gathered at a secret location at the Padang. Due to the record turnout, a new technique was employed during the poll which was conducted by a PM-potential. This special technique is called where participants who agree with the name announced will raise their hands. This successful technique has .

About 100 names of the rich, famous, downtrodden and infamous were announced. Although the result was a shocker, I must respect the unanimous decision to name our stadium after Tin Pei Ling since she had won by a landslide margin.

Even she could not believe her ears and managed only 2 sentences during her thank you speech: “Thank you. .”

The government is presently in a quandary as to the choice of a corporate mascot i.e. Kate Spade bag/Tampon. We have decided to accept whichever company offers a higher sponsorship. We will also be seeking public feedback soon.

Please go back to work and contribute to our GDP growth. It is unproductive to speculate further on the renaming of our stadium. It will officially open on 1 April, 2014.

Phillip Ang

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